‘Twas three nights before Christmas, when all through the town,
Not a creature was stirring, there was absolutely no sound…
The stockings were hung by the fireplace with care, but since the world ended, St. Nick wasn’t going to be there…”
Happy Holidays – the world is going to end!
As the Mayans predicted, the world is going to end on December 21st! Hello armageddon! Whether it’s a zombie invasion or a horde of killer Santas (excluding the meteor explosion scenario because, hey, we should be always carpe fuckin’ diem-ing), this year’s holiday gift guide from Casual Details will provide you with a list of items that will be useful in the case that the world ends. And in the case that it doesn’t, it should still come in handy when congress fails to save the US from the fiscal cliff and all hell breaks loose.
Knowledge is power, so if you’re going to live long enough to survive and celebrate the holidays in post-apocalyptic America, you might as well prepare for it by reading Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. There is nothing darker and colder than the story of a father and son grappling for life in a barren world.
“The blackness he woke to on those nights was sightless and impenetrable. A blackness to hurt your ears with listening. Often he had to get up. No sound but the wind in the bare and blackened trees…”
Price: $20 (Paperback from Amazon)
Bonus: Alcohol pairing recommendation – Whiskey, a lot of it.
CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY
The world is going to end. Don’t hold back. Call it as you see it. Designed by Brown University graduates, Cards Against Humanity is a sick, sick game. Perfect for the end of the world. It has replay factor both before the end of the world, and after, when you’re sitting
around making awful jokes at everything that has died or been destroyed. Not only do you get a great game, but it comes with a handy-dandy cardboard card holder that can double as an ammunition box. Also, the cards are fairly durable and made of material that won’t soak up blood splatter in the case of any close proximity decapitations.
Price: $25 (Amazon, often sold out, so get on the email list before the end of the world!)
How are you going to carry around your copy of The Road, Cards Against Humanity, and the dried squirrel jerky you made last night? With a Fjällräven backpack of course! The Abisko 75 M is a lightweight bag that suits all survivors for all seasons, whether its spring, summer, fall, winter, or death. It is available in Dark Grey and Tarmac, but you wouldn’t get anything other than Dark Grey, the color of the end of the world, barren wastelands, and the dead sky.
Fjällräven is a Swedish company that focuses on outdoor gear and equipment. Check out their other urban-friendly bags on their website, just in case the world decides to keep spinning.
Price: $300 (Fjällräven)
At the Vidalia Sandbar Fight in 1827, Jim Bowie was shot, stabbed, and almost beat to death, but he came back to win the fight with the help of his now famous Bowie knife. He lived to defend the Alamo for the Texas fight for independence and died there with his knife.
If the Bowie knife was durable enough to save Bowie’s scrappy ass from death in 1827 AND witness the glorious defense of the Alamo, it is definitely a must-have for those planning to stick around after the end of the world. The Bowie knife is fixed blade knife, usually used for fighting, but also useful in skinning and butchering game. In the post-apocalyptic world, it holds a variety of uses: at one moment, you may be skinning a rabbit, the next moment, you may be slicing slightly-expired cheese to spread on ritz crackers, later you may need to slide it into the throat of a hostile survivor.
Price: $150 (Cabela’s)
Bonus: Wear a Texas-themed shirt while wielding the Bowie knife.